yeahyeahno asked:
Is it possible that all of my professors were members of a secret society dedicated to the prevention of free thought? Or is that what they want me to think? I'm very concerned, Mr. Snicket.

Anything is possible, but if you have considered this narrative, among many other ones, then their secret society has clearly failed.

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My teachers and peers keep pressuring me to find what I want to do after college. But I find I'm so stressed and lost that I don't even know what I love to do. There isn't any time, and there isn't any feeling anywhere. Everything makes me so anxious that I can't imagine what I would do if I didn't feel this way. How do I get enough of my life in my grasp to live it?

It is not unusual, at the end of any bout of training, to feel anxious about the next steps.  One must find an interesting place to live—preferably with a lot of bookshelves—and interesting people with whom to do it.  Then you will find there is all the time in the world to sit with these books and people and converse, and from these conversations life will spring.

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At the school I went to students were not allowed to enter the teacher's lounge. Not ever. Also, the doors were always closed, and sometimes strange noises were heard by students standing in the hallway. Does Mr. Snicket happen to know what goes on behind the closed doors of my school's (or any school's) teacher's lounge?

If you suspect something interesting is going on and you are not allowed to see it there can be a million strategies but only one goal.  For the investigative soul, a closed door might as well be a window.

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ambelle asked:
Should I have bothered getting my degree? It feels expensive and useless

The suspicion that something everyone says is important is actually expensive and useless is one of the best things to gain from an education.

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Why were they so determined to teach me maths? How did they always find me in the music department when I was hiding from maths?

If you knew how to calculate the distance a sound can travel—for instance, the sound of your humming through a shut door—you would have escaped, but there’s only one way to learn those calculations.

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Mr. Snicket, how do you deal with bullies after high school? In college they are much sneakier and meaner.

College bullies are sneakier because they are hoping news of their high school bullying has not travelled with them.  Use this fear against them.  When they do something mean, say simply, “You know, I heard you were like this.”

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I am currently studying library sciences and would have been done this year were it not for the pesky problem of finances. I do not enjoy school, but I do enjoy working in libraries, do you think my teachers are conspiring against me in order to keep me trapped in school?

If you think that library science instructors are the principle conspirators in any sort of financial arrangement, you have not been doing your reading.

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wtaharrah asked:
Between librarians, good crisp apples and sweaters that don't itch, which do you find the most noble and true?

Apples can get mushy; sweaters can unravel; librarians can do both.  Watch them all carefully.

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Anonymous asked:
Why does physical education have to be required? Who wants to run around aimlessly for forty-five minutes? I certainly don't.

No, but there are far, far more interesting physical activities, and it would be a shame if found yourself unable to do them when the time came.

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withsmt asked:
Why are books more interesting than real life? And how does one change their life to make it as interesting?

I’ve never understood the difference between literature and real life.  Base your life on the books you admire most, and never look back.  

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Dear Mr Snicket, I was wondering about how to deal with tyrannical teachers who do not understand the meaning of fun. I have a french teacher of this sort who has been giving me grief since i was 11, and I just have no idea how to get her to hate me less. Thank you for your time, Eros Marti Reta

A French teacher might understand “fun” better if you described it as “amusement,” with the proper accent.  But her idea of fun may involve hating you.

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